The Whisper of the Parentheses

Why is it that just about everybody has so much trouble with parentheses? Seriously--it's not that difficult. Here are three things to remember.

Parentheses (use when whispering)

1.       Never, ever, ever put a comma in front of parentheses.

Problematic way I usually see people use parentheses

This is Bob, (who is weird) and over there you’ll find Bill.

If "who is weird" is supposed to say something about Bob, then it doesn't make any sense to have the information on the Bill side of the comma.

The way this really should look

This is Bob (who is weird), and over there you’ll find Bill.

2.      If your sentence starts inside parentheses, then the period at the end goes inside the parentheses, as well.

Problematic way I usually see people use parentheses

Joe is awesome. (Actually, he’s super-duper awesome) You’ll know him when you see him.

Now everything's confused. The parenthetical has been attached to "You know him when you see him," and that's not what the you intend, is it? 

The way this really should look

Joe is awesome. (Actually, he’s super-duper awesome.) You’ll know him when you see him.

So now you have three perfectly good sentences, and you're telling your reader one of them isn't quite as essential as the other two.

3.      If your sentence starts outside parentheses, then the period at the end goes outside the parentheses, as well.

Problematic way I usually see people use parentheses

Frank is like so totally hipster (and thrifty, too.)

Oh, no! The sentence "Frank is so totally hipster" never ends!

The way this really should look

Frank is like so totally hipster (and thrifty, too).

Now you have one complete sentence, including the parentheses, which is what you intended, right?